being offline

(wow it's the first time since a little while that i wrote a long article real time. i really squeezed my brain writing this. so please enjoy!)

it's no secret that i often went MIA (missing in action, a.k.a. GONE) from instagram, i've been doing this for years. the longest i've been deactivated was 9 months, i guess it was from mid 2020 to mid 2021. i activated it because i had to do community service last year at uni during covid pandemic, so i had to make an online portfolio to report to my prof. i went MIA again when i did my undergraduate thesis, so i can focus on myself instead of just doom scrolling (and getting overstimulated by it).

last year i did it from october thru december. again, the reason why i activated it is because i need to do something online: update my Bandung trip with my sisters and update my high school crush's wedding (that i attended). this year, i've been offline since end of march, and it's still going strong. it was so easy for me to went offline on instagram (and tiktok too actually, but i have several ongoing streaks that need to be lighten up every day) because i didn't spend much time on both apps. i do spend EXCESSIVE time on X (i still call it twitter, tho) because, oh boy, that platform be going SPICY every day. i uninstalled X from my phone but i access it with browser. GUILTY.

later i found out that 'being offline' is becoming a trend. i was searching for youtube videos that i could download and watch offline later, and somehow i stumbled upon a video on 'how i addicted being OFFLINE'. my algorithm caught it and started showing me similar videos, even emma chamberlain made a video titled 'being offline is cool now?'. for me it's very paradoxical on how people sharing their experience on being offline on online media, but i also think it's like a timeline refresher and reminder to just....stop.

i've read so many articles about how consuming social media could affect you, especially how short form videos could actually lower your attention span leading to something called brainrot. tbh brainrot became my favourite slang because it's very funny-spelling but also straightforward. i actually started to feel my brain rotting since the pandemic, and it turns out this slang has been around for a while now since 2007 (dictionary.com). that's a very good foreshadowing, because, again, to me, it's very funny spelling especially amongst gen z and gen alpha. it's just on brand (in a bad way, actually, now that i think about it).

even tho i was very active outside (with masks and being cautious) during the pandemic, scrolling on social media was inevitable due to lack of social gathering and direct contact with people. i don't claim myself as an extroverted person, my latest mbti result still shows me i'm an INTJ with 92% introverted (shocking), but i lost track of time whenever i'm with my favourite people, i could yap for hours. SO, me and my friends were 'connected' on making transition videos together or whatever, showing our activities at home (in their hometown). it's fun, but also you could easily get lost in the algorithm while searching for content inspo.

on mid 2020, i joined international transfer credit to Asia University Taiwan (online, because indo govt sucks) for their fall program. i had a double screen for a semester straight because i still had to attend my regular class and the international class. i noticed that i got bored easily and sometimes i couldn't follow what the profs were saying. maybe because i had to multitask, or maybe because my attention span were shortened since i initially installed tiktok in early 2020 to do dance trends with my cousin, and i just couldn't stop. that's why i started to deactivated my instagram and deleted my tiktok account in mid 2020, because my uni assessment be goin' crazy with both classes. 

at first i deactivated instagram because i was overstimulated and couldn't stop scrolling, the devil works hard but my algorithm works harder. but then i started to recognize my feelings (thanks to going to the therapist and journaling), the other reason i went offline because i was envious: of my friends' achievements, of my friends' perfect family, of my friends' doing something i could only dreamed. this is a new feeling for me, or at least the realization of it. somehow i feel challenged to do something too and prove that i also have 'a dream life', when i actually don't.

don't get me wrong, i'm so happy for my friends' grads, new career, wedding, first child, first car or whatever, but i also couldn't lie to myself that i want some of that too. you could be happy for other people but also acknowledging your own uneasy feelings, both are valid, but you also need to seek out help on what to do with your feelings so that it doesn't corrupt you or other people (wow that's BAR). i know that people only show their good side of life on social media, i do too, i exclusively post/made story of me travelling, but that's the toxic thing about taking social media too seriously.

turned out im not the only one feeling drained by the short videos or feeling envious of social media, hence why people are making content how to be CHRONICALLY OFFLINE to snap you back to real life and to protect your mental health. i think it's a good reminder that people are constantly telling us to put down our phones and start doing real life things. it's like seeing how people now are physically active and choosing to drink coffee instead of alcohol. it's very refreshing mentally and physically, because by putting down your phone you could do things, maybe just your everyday chores, reading, brain dumping on your journal, ANYTHING but scrolling.

in the end, anything excessive isn't good for anyone. so if you feel overwhelmed by social media, it’s always okay to take a break. you don’t have to deactivate or uninstall them, just put down your phone, breathe and do something else. the other thing that you can do is that you can put a timer on your social media. i do it on tiktok, i put an hour maximum per day and 10 minutes of uninterrupted scrolling. taking a walk or doing exercise HELP A LOT, after i sweat a little i could write my journal or read, it’s just very refreshing.

it’s okay to feel envious about something. acknowledging your feelings is the first step, then you HAVE to find a solution for it, so it doesn’t corrupt you. find real connection with real people, lately i’ve been reconnecting with old friends and talk about each others’ lives, and to find out that people have been fighting with their own silent battles, so all we got to do is be nice, count your blessings and cherish your life, because who knows? someone might dreamed to be on your shoes.

see ya!

feeling so unmotivated these days

you know when it's just one of the episodes when you're feeling unmotivated all of sudden. you've tried running or doing yoga again, but stopped after 2-3 sessions. before bed, there are just tons of thoughts form on your head but you ended up doing nothing in the morning. you lost all of your energy after just cleaning your room when there's a major pile of laundry waiting. your brain shuts the minute you open your laptop/tab. you keep promising yourself to be productive on your off days but you couldn't even bear to take a bath, nor choosing a nice outfit to go out. and to top all of that, you can't just do your weekly everything shower, isn't that crazy?

i know it's all normal, and it'll pass, you just need to keep going, yada yada, but when? when will this end? do i know the ETA of "this too shall pass"?

i'm feeling clustered and it's not good. i need to get off of my phone, i need to go out but where? my workdays are different than the rest of the world. it's like a hamster just running around in its wheel, i'm going nowhere. i can't spill out my words in my journal, my brain can't focus when i'm learning spanish. my perfectionism always taking over whenever i wanted to change something in my room. i feel like i need to record a video of me doing DIY and just to permanently deletes all the footage at the same night.

what is this feeling?

that 'sore' scene but make it a closure.

play the tape again, before i burn the whole theatre.

"you?"
"haha, yeah..."
there was someone's name, and yours.

"so, tell me the story."
"it was quick, and i decided to asked her parents' blessings."
was i not worthy enough for you, and or your family, that you wouldn't even think about that years ago.

sunk cost fallacy
noun • S
the idea that a company or organization is more likely to continue with a project if they have already invested a lot of money, time, or effort in it, even when continuing is not the best thing to.

[a friend said] ".....you thought because you've invested your time, effort, mental and money for someone, it's hard to finally realized something was never right."

"...did your friends wanted to [unalive] me when they heard the news?"
was it just a joke for you?

"you looked happier now, i'm so happy to see it. your instagram story filled with you travelling cities. i guess we fulfilled eachothers' promises to be happy..." after we're not together.
you know, we could be travelling to cities together, but you're to scared to leave your cushioned nest.

"...your partner also has the same hobby as you, right? travelling. i bet you guys also have the same music taste."
have you ever listen to my playlist even once in the seven summers of our season?

"thank you, where will you (and your wife) be after this?"
"to the city where the rainbow appeared within the granite pillars and white sandy floors..."
"that's....far."
"yeah, we had to. i hope you can also leave this garden of alengka."
"finger's crossed for that."

"i really hoped that you could make it, with your partner, too. i'd be so happy....ibu will be happy too"
don't—start on that.

"i'll see you...again"

gegaraning wong akrami

dudu bandha dudu rupa

amung ati pawitané

luput pisan kena pisan

lamun gampang luwih gampang

lamun angèl, angèl kalangkung

tan kena tinumbas arta

when the group chat make it outside the tiktok streak

please watch the full experience at bandung here!
PACK WITH ME!
BANDUNG PART 1 (arrival from jogja and night at braga)
BANDUNG PART 2 (exploring cihampelas, coffee time and depart to jogja)

DEPART DAY, DEC 12th
OH MY GOD! you have no idea, i'm so thrilled for this trip! mba nanad and i depart from jogja with malabar, unfortunately i chose the wrong seat number so we ended up going BACKWARDS. that's ok tho because we could just sleep it through the night. BUT FIRST! we gotta unbox the PR package from mas adon, lol. for context, mba vania wanted sender coffee, then mas adon offered the bottled one that can be kept for max 2 days. he then ended up gosend them to my office 3 of 'mad for cake' coffees and BUNCH of snacks, there are cupcakes and brownies.

the christmas themed station!

FIRST DAY, DEC 13th

we woke up around 5am, arrived at kiaracondong station around 6am. we washed ourselves a little bit before went to mba vania's dorm at ujung berung. we were so excited to finally meet up NOT in jogja lol. her dorm was very cozy, we ordered bubur ayam for breakfast, took a bath and......I NAPPED A BIT, then went to gedebage station to catch krl train to kota bandung. PLOT TWIST tho, we almost didn't make it BECAUSE A STROLLER WAS BLOCKING OUR WAY OUT FROM THE TRAIN because this stupid ass person was SO SLOW.

us at the gedebage st.

we the WALKED 2kms (and thru the JPO) BECAUSE WE GOT OUT TO THE WRONG EXIT. we actually had to go to to the south gate exit, while our lunch were at cuanki stasion. the JPO (jembatan penyebrangan orang) at bandung station was so horrible, the stairs were STEEP AS FUCK. when we got to cuanki stasion there were line and we had to wait around 20mins for an overpriced cuanki. lessons learned, not again.

we took gocar to our hotel. it was just ok tho for a cheap price, the bathroom was so tiny (i was a bit claustrophobic), but it was near alun-alun bandung. we unpacked a bit, took another nap, took a bath and GETTIN READY TO ROCK BRAGA LOL.

"gila mantep banget sih kita" 1000000000x

we gocar to winglok around 5pm, we had a quick bite to fuel ourselves. then we went to feel matcha, we ordered a matcha drink, ice cream and cheesecake, that we ended up eating at the hotel. then i bought coffee beans from toko kopi jawa for jehan. we stopped by this cutesy shop inside the alleyway called up n wear. mba nanad and i ended up bought a bracelets. we had a chat a bit and decided to go to cikapundung to buy siomay and CIMOL BOJOT AA FRESH FROM THE WAJAN.

we then walked to the infamous bridge that has "tanah pasundan...." quote on it, take a pic, then went back to the hotel WALKING. at the hotel we had our little life update moment and gift exchanges. i bought mba vania a two piece of beachy-vibe set, and atsiri x tuku perfume for mba nanad. while i got this cutesy bento box from mba vania and 'the mortician' book from mba nanad (because i asked for it). the tea was PIPPING HOT we ended up staying late and waking up late the next day lol.

SECOND DAY, DEC 14th
we should've started our day at 8 am, but we woke up at 7 anyway, so we leave the hotel around 9 am lol.

lighter makeup for the day, but damn gurl.

we went to rumah sejoli purnawarman. BUT THE LINE WAS ONE HOUR, so we opted to go to karaya coffee, and oh my God we didn't expect the place to be so cozy for a slow morning. i would definitely go back to karaya coffee again, the menu was nice, the coffee was good, the breeze, the seating was perfect, it was someone's house (i think). then after that we head to rumah sejoli purnawarman anyway because we RSVPd. then we went to another cutesy shop called pass the trend, but it was open at 3pm that day, so we passed, lol. we opted to go to house of majik, but we didn't buy anything anyway. we went straight to cihampelas.

@karayacoffee

the walk was so relaxing with this view

now, my initial plan for cihampelas was to thrift, but turned out there were no shop that actually interests us. so we went to ciwalk, and mba vania bought italian bracelets lol. they also bought endorphins cookies, which i regret i wasn't getting them, because it was SO DELICIOUS. we ended up also ROBBING this sticker shop called 'stiker apatu', i mean, everything for UMKM.

then we went to makmur jaya sawunggaling WALKED, AGAIN, FROM CIHAMPELAS, BECAUSE THE TRAFFIC WAS HORRIBLE. each of us bought 2 coffees lol, and they gave us this thick-ass brownie as compensation because we had to wait around 1 hour to queue and to be called.

coffee haul

we then gocar back to hotel, had a nap and after maghrib we went to lengkong night market for dinner. we stopped by sate asin pedas, mba nanad and i shopeefood cheesecuit. mba nanad also bought bola ubi kopong and she's addicted. we then went back to the hotel, sayonara with mba vania, and pack our bags to go back to reality.

DEPART DAY, DEC 15th
before going to the station, mba nanad and i went to kartika sari pusat to buy oleh-oleh. we actually don't want to go back WE STILL WANTED TO ROCK BANDUNG AAAAA.

bandung haul

dec 15th, 7.23 pm

after ketolorac and ranitidin iv

j city all over again

(i wrote this on may 2026, but i manipulated the date lol)

to see my full experience at jakarta, please watch my yt vlog here!
JAKARTA VLOG!

first of all, CONGRATS to mas ari on his wedding. dayum first son in the family, the breadwinner. it was a very beautiful wedding in the heart of surabaya (literally at jw marriot tunjungan). and also CONGRATS to shinta and mas ardhi for the wedding. i knew shinta directed her wedding because the reception SCREAMED her so loud. it was beautiful, dreamy and magical, just like her and her dreams.

so, my other cousin from my mom (mas ari) also had his wedding in late october at surabaya, then this cousin from my dad (shinta) also decided to get married EARLY november. RIP to my wallet and my cute lil acidy tummy because i SAVED UP for their weddings, but you know what? it was worth it. my cousins are getting married and here i am using the oportunity to explore their hometowns, lol.

my parents went first to surabaya, then went home then went to jakarta. they were early because they wanted to witness the whole ceremony (from pengajian, siraman and the whole thing). i was left alone at home a week more because i still gotta work, i arrived in both places (surabaya and jakarta) the night before the wedding. safe to say it was really messy, because i had to catch the afternoon train right after work (and got to leave midday to catch my train to jakarta) to get to the place on time. sleep deprived and a few salonpas later, i gotta SERVE.

one minute i feel shit
(just arrived at the hotel at cawang 9 pm)

next minute im the shit (akad look)

reception (night) look by @deemakeup

been a long time since i went to surabaya (the last time were on mid 2024) and the capital city (the last time were early january 2023) so i gotta explore, right? i didn't spend that much time in  surabaya, i arrived saturday night, the wedding was on sunday then left early on monday morning. i gotta explore jakarta, tho, because i still have so many wish lists and a friend (shout out to dina again). i left for jakarta on friday midday from lempuyangan, then arrived at jatinegara around 8pm, transited to commuterline from manggarai to cawang then got to the hotel around 9pm.

had to wake up before fajr prayer to do makeup on my mom, myself, then helped my dad, my uncle and my cousin to wear jarik CORRECTLY then made it to the venue before 7 am. then watched the whole beautiful akad and panggih til 1pm, got back to the hotel, did makeup for the reception, checked out then checked in to the hotel (also the venue) before 5pm. the reception started around 7 pm, it was very grand, very beautiful, i got to reunite again with many family members (except yazid, i was so sad my auntie and uncle came without him), then got back to my room at 10 pm. I WAS EXHAUSTED.

on sunday, i made an appointment with dina. at first i wasn't going to tell her that i'm coming to jakarta, because i wasn't sure that i could explore the city with her, i got limited time, but thankfully i was able to had a full day with her. i catch the commuterline from cawang to gondangdia, because I THOUGHT WE AGREED TO MET AT GALERI NASIONAL AFTER HER MASS BUT SHE ARRIVED AT GALERI CEMARA 6 MENTENG AND BOUGHT THE TICKET WHEN I WAS ALR AT GALERI NASIONAL. so i gotta gojek myself to cemara 6 and laughed it out loud with her there.

dina really trolled me, because i LOOKED LIKE THIS
when i arrived at galeri nasional.

galeri cemara 6 menteng is a private gallery founded and owned by (now the family of) toeti heraty, an indonesian poet and philosopher. it was actually her home, it was beautiful, very old-money coded, very serene. dina and i wanted to take as much time there, lol, but we gotta go to galeri nasional.

my company for the day and always
whenever i visited the capital.

it was so serene, wished i was a famous
poet with a legacy and a huge house at menteng.

the collections are very unique, they
even have their own library.

you know, it was my wildest dream to see 'penangkapan pangeran diponegoro' by raden saleh with my two own eyes, turned out galeri nasional has extended their 'nyala' exhibition, so i still got the chance to see the famous painting. but before that, we visited the permanent exhibition of the gallery. tbh, i don't really understand art, especially contemporary arts, but it was fascinating to see how certain periods of time, movements, and vision changed the overall style of art in that era.

finally the 'nyala' exhibition. i got no words at all, i just want to be in there FOREVER.

one of my wildest wish list checked.

after that we had lunch at BAKMI GM LOL, a mandatory visit whenever i went to jakarta. then we catch mrt to negara blok m, another mandatory visit. i bought kopi susu keluarga from famimart, a viral mochi (15k) at papaya, then just hung out with dina (a.k.a. bengong) at taman literasi. again, i just love to catch up with an old friend and then talk about our lives. then we had haka dimsum for dinner. at 8 pm we got to go, because my whole family had a gathering, and dina had to go to work tomorrow. UGH i wished to stay one more night and explore more with her.

7.5/10 tho

7.5/10 might try the other menu

wished to have free beggars open
space in jogja.

got home (at depok) around 9 pm, had the family gathering, then ended the very long rewarding day with packing because i need to catch the train from jatinegara at 12 pm.

wakey wakey at 7 am, had breakfast with the whole family again while also salam salaman before i got ELIMINATED EARLY (lol). my plan was to go to depok station then catch a commuter to jatinegara early because i wanted to shopefood bakmi gm, BUT my mom insisted on ESCORTING me to jatinegara. so, my uncle called one of his drivers to drive me and BOTH OF MY PARENTS to jatinegara. we left around 10.30 am then got there around 11 am. i have never arrived/departed to jatinegara before, it was always gambir, so this is a new experience for me. i think if i had to go to jakarta again, i'll probably just pick jatinegara because it was easier to hop on commuterline instead of pasar senen (imo).

got to jogja around 8 pm, picked up by the loml with his NEW CAR (so many thing happened since i left for just THREE DAYS i guess). i’m definitely gonna go back to jakarta in next year, there are so many places i haven't explored yet. i wanted to explore glodok and kota tua (again), but also want to go to tanjungpriok to see docks, sounds fun.

see ya next year j city!

touching grass again, but this time was rocks.

to see the full experience, check out my vlog!
HIKING KE NGLANGGERAN.

second time!
IDK if we're being healthy or just love torturing ourselves. this time we hiked on nglanggeran ancient mountain! we were there with a bunch of 'green' students, lol. actually i was hiking WHILE WORKING, because i had to do some essay and report it back, so i didn't quiet enjoy the first post. then i lost the signal, so i was forced to enjoy the hike anyway.

actual pic of me working, lol.

one thing about me, is that...i am claustrophobic, not diagnosing myself, but i felt nauseous whenever i'm in clustered space. well good news is, nglanggeran hike has TWO clustered space within rocks that i had to pass. with the help of my friends, i passed, even tho i almost threw up.

also, actual picture of me almost passed out.

i've hiked nglanggeran before, and i didn't like it because there were parts where we climbed rocks. there are some steep and challenging parts of the hikes too. the peak has no vegetation, the view was good, tho, but it was so hot, so we decided to climbed down real quick. the way up and way down were different, so it's nice to know that i don't have to go pass that clustered rocks again.

after that we had lunch nearby, it was good, we chilled about TWO HOURS, lol, before going back home. 

so where to next?

our first time touring: temanggung

to watch our full experience, please click this link!

SEPTEMBER LONG WEEKEND VLOG

all of the places that we visited will be linked, just click the name of the place then it’ll direct you to google maps!

jehan (and his fam) and i often had roadtrip together, but we never toured with motorcycle before. jehan proposed this idea for a long weekend getaway, and i agreed. this time he also initiated the places to go, it was usually my part to make the itinerary, but this time, i was just enjoying my time as a passenger princess (and navigator, still).

we left from jogja around 7.30 am, surprisingly the road wasn't crowded (yet), maybe because we started early. our first stop, breakfast at waroeng jadoel. now, i thought this would be just an ordinary place that jehan and mama once visited, but no, it was actually one of the touristy places. we got there around 8 am and it was already CROWDED AS F. i had to save us a seat while jehan got the breakfast. i can't think of anything, so i just said whatever but with an egg to start the day. i had to rate it 6/10, because it was really crowded and the meal was kinda okay, not that overpriced but you could find something similar here with a cheaper price without the crowds. 

my plate, tho.

we continued our ride to the main destination: embung kledung. this might sounds surprising, but i've never been to embung kledung before. it was SO BEAUTIFUL tho, both sumbing and sindoro fighting to win my heart, but i honestly had to choose em both. jehan and i had a talk here before we departed....this impromptu coffee place.

sumbing

sindoro, and i

while we stopped for jumah prayer, he looked for a coffee place, since we're in temanggung, right? then he found this toto coffee, and we ended up having unplanned coffee tasting, core memory unlocked. it was a roastery and they had various blends and infused coffee. when we got there, few people were buying in bulk to then be sold again or to serve in their cafes. i tasted honey infused coffee and jehan tasted wine infused coffee, and yep, we ended up buying some of the blends.

we will be coming back for this coffee place!

on our way home, we stopped at secang to enjoy dawet and ketan. then we stopped by magelang to buy gethuk but it was closed and we were SCAMMED by this ibu ibu. we had an early dinner while waiting for maghrib prayer at pawon markisa mertoyudan.

two cups of dawet, two ketans
for 10k.

it was raining on our way home. i searched for route where we don't have to pass sleman city hall (because we know it'll be traffic), but we ended up in ANTAH BERANTAH with ROCKY ROAD WHILE IT WAS RAINING AND MINIMUM STREET LIGHTING, another core memory unlocked, i guess. we ended up around godean, well, at least we avoided the traffic.

doing roadtrip (with a car) is fun, we don't have to worry if it's going to be sunny or rainy. the downside is that we'll get into traffic and some shortcuts were too narrow for a car, we might need a lot more time. touring with motorcycle gave us the freedom to go wherever, whenever, with whatever shortcuts, even tho it'll be kinda challenging if it's raining.

as long as i'm with jehan, we can go with whatever. might be touring again next!