So, since around October or last September 2020, I've deactivated my instagram and twitter account. For some reasons, indeed, I was busy with my assignments and kamasetra, but the actual reason, is that, I, am insecure. I don't really know what am I insecure for, or maybe I was just jealous. Jealous of other's life, their happy life, travelling and all, having money to pay for the covid test and the trip cost itself. And here I am living my boring life: online class and exhausting offline community. I mean, I did took some local trips to Bantul, Gunungkidul and Sleman, and sometimes I--myself, alone, went to somewhere to clear my mind, but I don't know why I don't feel the happiness of what other people show on their instagram account. The conclusion, instagram are just really exhausting, REALLY, exhausting. I don't know, whether I can still open my instagram account after 5 months of being deactivated, but up until this moment, I guess I don't care.
Second, is my twitter account. To be honest, twitter was just much better than instagram in any way. The users are very open minded and they got 'words' to say, not just pictures, for me it's too blunt. But, because of that, the 'too' open minded people sometimes they are just straight up dumb, and not knowing what were they tweeting. Some tweets opening up about some things, like suicidal thoughts, insecurities and just toxic words----trigger me, sometimes, sometimes. I even tried to avoid some words by hiding or filtering(????) some words that could trigger me. But one night I gave up and I decided to deactivate it. I know that twitter has this regulation, when you deactivate your account for more than 30 days, it'll be automatically deleted. So, yeah.
The third account is my tiktok account, yes, I had tiktok, it's not because of me personally, but it was because of my cousin. It was fun because I love to dance, and there are many of good tips, tricks, hacks and recipes. But, again, it can be very exhausting and triggering for me. For once, I followed only 3 of my closest friends, and others are famous people, but then I set my account to private and start posting my videos without hijab---yeah, because of my other personality told me to do so---but, then again, I felt insecure about myself, especially, after I cut my hair short--like, very short. I looked like crazy. So I deleted it.
It has been 5 months since I deleted my social media accounts, and I really did NOT regret anything. even though sometimes I kinda feel weird whenever my friends talking about someone did something on instagram, or whatever, kinda feel like I live in a cave, but hey....Tame Impala said that "the less I know the better". And how does deactivating social medias affect my mental health? well, it helps A LOT, at least I'm progressing, and I don't have to worry about other people's activities and achievements, I can be more focus on myself. Deleting my social media also prevents me for knowing the information that I actually avoiding---prevents myself for getting hurt, and that's just......ALL that I ever asked for.
So, I know, it's weird, in this era of online plus the covid thingy, you just don't have any social media. But for me, especially, in this time of crisis, everyone need to be sane. This is my way to keep my sanity.
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